Monday, September 25, 2023

The Great Pumpkin Taste-Off of 2023

 The Annual Larson Family Pupmkin Taste-Off took place on Saturday evening, September 23rd, 2023.Participants included all 7 Larsons, each one a seasoned judge of pumpkin treats.

Entries this year were numerous (way too many! some not pictured!) and included hot and cold drinks, snacks, dairy items, and baked goods.



To shake things up a bit, we introduced a freestyle short-answer rating system.  Some judges still also rated on a scale of 0 to 10.  Props to Katelyn who stuck with this endeavor the longest.  Some of us couldn't finish.  Word to the wise: pace yourselves.  Even 10 is too many!


Here are the results:


YOGI PUMPKIN SPICE HERBAL TEA

Herbal tea is mostly the flavor of dirty water.  This type is no different.  Its only redeeming quality is that it's warm.  So that's nice. 1/10.    ~Doug

Someone walked through the muddy pumpkin patch on a cold smoky day.  Then they washed their shoes off in a bucket and I drank the dirty water.    ~Rebecca

This tea is my ideal man: warm, sweet, and a little nutty. And kinda brown.  8/10.    ~Katelyn

Tastes like fog?  Like the fog version of pumpkin.  2/10.    ~Emily

Looks like pee, smells like pee, tastes like pee.  3/10.     ~Lauren

No pumpkin? As far as herbal tea goes, this didn't make me wanna vomit.  But it made me want to want to vomit fs.    ~Hannah

What I imagine washing the pumpkin off tastes like.  2/10.    ~Olivia


SWISS MISS PUMPKIN SPICE HOT COCOA

Feels like broken "word of widsom" but pretty tasty.  6/10    ~Doug

If the Word of Wisdom includes this hot drink, I'm in trouble! LOVE! Will start my day with this all season.    ~Rebecca

I feel like a pumpkin chocolate man just kicked me in the teeth.  3/10.    ~Katelyn

If you didn't tell me this is pumpkin/chocolate, I would think it was neither.    ~Emily

Shlurppp. 7.5/10    ~Lauren

Like a tiny little pumpkin chocolate hug. 8/10.    ~Hannah

Mmmmm buss buss.  7/10    ~Olivia


DANNON LIGHT-N-FIT GREEK YOGURT PUMPKIN PIE FLAVOR

Tastes like regular greek yogurt. 5/10    ~Doug

Bait + Switch.  One tiny burst of sweet turns more and more sour and chalky.    ~Rebecca

Am I really about to eat something called greek yogurt?  2/10    ~Katelyn

Please pay the pumpkin whatever ransom it demands for the release of that poor yogurt.  1/10.    ~Emily

Greek yogurt is almond mom food & the pumpkin flavor comes from a delusional malnourished state.  2/10.    ~Lauren

Who is gonna tell someone that his leftover jack-o-lantern concoction is a 0/10 fumbs down    ~Hannah

The greeks need serious help. 1/10.    ~Olivia


KNEADERS PUMPKIN BREAD

Tastes like a Kneaders knock off.  10/10.    ~Doug

Never have I ever enjoyed nutmeg so much.  The texture is better than a donut. And I really love donuts!    ~Rebecca

Wonderful bake. Perfectleh prooved.  10/10    ~Katelyn

I am biased to love my own creations, but also I'm so sick of this. When I close my eyes all I see is pumpkin bread.    ~Emily

The spirit of Fall posessed my soul with that bite. 9/10.    ~Lauren

I would like to keep this delightful lil pumpkin treat close to my heart - just like Emily. 10/10.    ~Hannah

I found the perfect Sacrament bread.  Hallelujah. 10/10.    ~Olivia


ENTENMANN'S LITTLE BITES PUMPKIN MUFFINS

Tastes like the kind of fall vibe that is manufactured in a 200K sqft food processing plant.  3/10.    ~Doug

Enten-Eww.  No likey.    ~Rebecca

This is why God invented tongue scrapers. 3/10.    ~Katelyn

Nah. 2/10.    ~Emily

The Spirit of Fall left the chat. 5/10.    ~Lauren

This is like sending up Rosie to go compete in a singing competition right after Beyonce.  7/10.    Hannah

Lauren's entry if her and Emily were in a cook off. 4/10.    ~Olivia


TRADER JOE'S PUMPKIN STICKY TOFFEE CAKES

Trader Joe's slid a couple notches in my book.  2/10.    ~Doug

Pumpkin treats should include orange color, NOT orange rind.  Nice after taste.    ~Rebecca

Like walking, open-mouthed, through a muddy pumpkin patch.  5/10.    ~Katelyn

If I had lowered my expectations by a couple miles I might be able to eat more.    ~Emily

It's a no from me.  2/10.    ~Lauren

Somebody stirred this stiffy pudding batter with a car battery.  3/10.    ~Hannah

Who fished that out of the toilet? More like sticky tofee poopy.  0/10.    ~Olivia


PREMIER PROTEIN PUMPKIN FLAVOR SHAKE

I used to like it.  Tonight it almost made me barf.  1/10.    ~Doug

Better be good for you if it tastes that bad.  This is not a treat.    ~Rebecca

I imagine that if your mom drinks a PSL and then breastfeeds you.  2/10.    ~Katelyn

Like a bile flavored jelly bean.  Satan makes people drink this.    ~Emily

People who hate themselves would get off on this.  1/10.    ~Lauren

Tastes like milk that caught the flu. 1/10.    ~Hannah

Smells like Big O Tires and tastes like the Big O Tires bathroom.  2/10.    ~Olivia


FUNKY CHUNKY PUMPKIN CARAMEL CORN

Dougie likey--but I tasted no pumpkin.  7/10.    ~Doug

Never worried about breaking my tooth on anything pumpkin before.    ~Rebecca

Did I forget what pumpkin is?  3/10.    ~Katelyn

I like this but I can't tell if it's because it's the least pumkiny thing tonight.    ~Emily

Might need braces again.  5/10.    ~Lauren

This is the kind of food that my dentist finds and asks me how often I floss. 5/10.    ~Hannah

Didn't taste bad but will add 2 years to my braces.  5/10.    ~Olivia


DEWEY'S BAKERY PUMPKIN SPICE COOKIES

Not bad for a boring, plain biscuit. 5/10.    ~Doug

Smells like a candle.  Tastes so much better than it looks.  Unassuming and good.    ~Rebecca

I yike dis.  7/10.    ~Katelyn

You will never find me eating this if there is decent food around.    ~Emily

I'm pretty sure soldiers kept these in their pockets during Civil War times.  5/10.    ~Lauren

It's a good thing we had all those juicy farts cause this was dry af. 6/10.    ~Hannah

It's giving Fantastic Mr. Fox it's really making me wanna go {messy eating noise gibberish}.  5/10.    ~Olivia


PUMPKIN PIE FLAVOR POP TARTS

Gross. 3/10.  Can't believe I liked Pop Tarts as a kid.    ~Doug

Tastes like frosted pie crust.  That's all.    ~Rebecca

Pop Tarts are the worstest creation.  3/10.    ~Katelyn

My tastes buds are on strike apparently because I didn't taste a single thing.    ~Emily

If my mom gave this to me as a child I would think it's because she didn't love me.  2/10.    ~Lauren

Dis is candle wax I fink.  4/10.    ~Hannah

Mmmm made me want to pop-fart.  7/10.    ~Olivia


ENTENMANN'S PUMPKIN POP-EMS DONUT HOLES

Not bad for a  donut hole.    ~Doug

Once an Entenmann's, always an Entenmann's.    ~Rebecca

Very fall vibes.  Put me in flannel and gimme a hot chockee. 6/10.    ~Katelyn

Forget junk food, this is punk food.    ~Emily

Would eat at least 2 more.  8/10.    ~Lauren

The second most dangerous hole.  7/10.    ~Hannah


DARE PUMPKIN SPICE SANDWICH CREME COOKIES

Yummy yummy with milk.  6/10.    ~Doug

The cookie part is good, but then you get to the candle wax creme... No thanks.    ~Rebecca

Bleghhhhh.  0/10.    ~Katelyn

Feels like I'm eating ash but in a fun festive way.  7/10.    ~Lauren

Like a lil pump sauce sandwiched between two wet concrete cookies.  4/10.    ~Hannah


PEPPERIDGE FARM MILANO PUMPKIN SPICE COOKIES

A very small tweak to a regular milano cookie.  8/10.    ~Doug

How does this taste like toothpaste?    ~Rebecca

Fishy cookies are not a good idea.  3/10.    ~Katelyn

If that was a dog treat I would've loved it.  1/10.    ~Lauren

I'm about to pop.  Don't serve the protein shake at my funeral.  5/10.    ~Hannah


TRADER JOE'S PUMPKIN SPICED TEENY TINY PRETZELS

Pretzle---it's good.  8/10.    ~Doug

A little salt goes a long way to make this a true pumpkin treat.    ~Rebecca

TJ's reigns as pumpkin king.  9/10.    ~Katelyn

Don't miss.  9/10.    ~Lauren

These won't be served at my funeral either because I would like to be buried with the rest of them.  10/10.    ~Hannah


JUST THE FUN PART PUMPKIN WHITE CHOCOLATE WAFFLE CONES

Not enough to make me happy.  0/10.    ~Doug

I think I just licked a dusty pumpkin candle and it was crunchy.    ~Rebecca

Just the not fun part.  These guys must sell carrot tops and orange peels.  1/10.    ~Katelyn

Straight up candle wax.  1/10.    ~Lauren

They found these in the back of the dressing room at TJ Maxx.  1/10.    ~Hannah


WERTHER'S ORIGINAL PUMPKIN SPICE SOFT CARAMELS

8/10.    ~Doug

I chewed and chewed and found no sign of pumpkin.    ~Rebecca

Salt is alw.....    ~Katelyn

Pumpkin is a fun little flavor until suddently is a grody form of torture.    ~Lauren

Eugh. 4/10.    ~Hannah


TRADER JOE'S PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE CROISSANTS

2/10.    ~Doug

Take an old McDonald's "holiday pie" past its expiration date.  Sell it to Trader Joe's.  Call it pumpkin cheesecake croissant.    ~Rebecca

They didn't stop long enough to ask whether they should.    ~Katelyn

Suspiciously less gross than it should be.  6/10.    ~Lauren

Empoonada strikes back.    ~Hannah


TRADER JOE'S PUMPKIN SCONES

Aftertaste.  1/10.    ~Doug

I liked chewing three times until the taste of that stinky rental truck attacked me and almost made me hurl.    ~Rebecca

My mouth has no moistcha.    ~Katelyn

Where is the flavor?  4/10.    ~Lauren


TRADER JOE'S PUMPKIN MINI ICE CREAM CONES

My forever fall favorite.  And I don't always love ice cream.    ~Rebecca

Still the best. 10/10.    ~Katelyn